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4.30.2004

Guru Analysis

I laughed out loud when I read this, especially since I hate at least 3 of the listed, alleged gurus.


4.27.2004

Mmmmm. . . Banana Bread. . .

. . . the bananas I had on my counter were soft, squishy and developing lots of yummy-yummy sugars, so, of course, I had to go and turn them into banana nut bread, according to the Fridays Family Recipe, which Matt posted on his blog a WHILE ago.

While this week may not be the best week to have this treat around, I don't like eating bananas that are soft-and-squishy-ripe. I prefer them just barely ripe and firm.

Late Weekend Recap

I felt so lousy yesterday that looking at another computer screen was going to melt my brain. Plus, I know that Frank Gorshin isn't dead yet, but in an annoyingly creepy way, he might well be possessing the laugh of one of the conductors on the train I usually take home from work.

Total 'Riddler' laugh. I am not making this up.

Anyway. . .

This weekend, Matt and I had a whirlwind of activity beginning with the reunion party some of his old college buddies threw on Friday night. We went, we drank, we had a great time. (OK, it's not exactly Veni, vidi, vici, but my Latin is slipping.)

On Saturday, after 6 hours of sleep, we headed to Lambertville, NJ for Shadfest 2004.

Shad is a type of freshwater fish, with about the consistency of flounder or scrod, mild-tasting, but a little oily. It swims in the Delaware River, which forms part of NJ's western border.

Although Matt had to work a remote for the station, I wandered around Lambertville, which reminded me very much of a cross between Morristown and Cape May, for good reason - it's a primarily Victorian town (like Cape May) with an industrial past (like Morristown) and it sits on the Delaware & Raritan Canal (or what's left of it anyway). While I wandered, and got to know the streets (kinda), I also forgot to put on SUNSCREEN, so I have weirdly burned forearms.

Yes, forearms burn. They were bright pink and not at all hidden by my brand-new "Shadfest 2004" t-shirt. And yes, they are still a little tender.

On Sunday, rather than go to my Get Ready Walk, because I don't know how to get to the train station from "Stately Fridays Manor", I did laundry and kept waking Matt up.

I didn't mean to be a pain, it just turned out that way.

Oh, and to anyone who watched Iron Chef America, I salute you. I had to go to bed during the tag-team battle, but they're going to show it all this week, so I should be able to catch whatever I missed. And what was the deal with all the seafood?

That's about it for now. . . over and out.

4.23.2004

This is Dedicated. . .

. . . to my best-good-friend, Sara for having retained council to get rid of the deadbeat and reclaim her last name. This is very important to her, trust me. It's also important to me, because I haven't forgotten how to spell it, and this is a big task to accomplish.

You may credit (or curse) Rodgers and Hammerstein for yet another lyrics-post, this one's from South Pacific:

Nellie:
I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
And send him on his way.

I'm gonna wave that man right outa my arms,

Nellie and Girls:
I'm gonna wave that man right outa my arms,
I'm gonna wave that man right outa my arms,
And send him on his way.

Don't try to patch it up

Girls:
Tear it up, tear it up!

Nellie:
Wash him out, dry him out,

Girls:
Push him out, fly him out,

Nellie:
Cancel him and let him go!

Girls:
Yea, sister!

Nellie:
I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
And send him on his way.

If a man don't understand you,
If you fly on separate beams,
Waste no time, make a change,
Ride that man right off your range.
Rub him out of the roll call
And drum him out of your dreams.

Girls:
Oho! If you laugh at different comics,
If you root for different teams,
Waste no time, weep no more,
Show him what the door is for.
Rub him out of the roll call
And drum him out of your dreams.

Nellie:
You can't light a fire when the woods are wet,

Girls:
No!

Nellie:
You can't make a butterfly strong,

Girls:
Hmm, hmm!

Nellie:
You can't fix an egg when it ain't quite good,

Girls:
And you can't fix a man when he's wrong!

Nellie:
You can't put back a petal when it falls from a flower,
Or sweeten up a fellow when he starts turnin' sour

Girls:
Oh no! Oh no!

Nellie and Girls:
If his eyes get dull and fishy,
When you look for glints and gleams,
Waste no time,
Make a switch,
Drop him in the nearest ditch!
Rub him out of the roll call,
And drum him out of your dreams
Oho! Oho!

Nellie:
I went to wash that man right outa my hair,
I went to wash that man right outa my hair,
I went to wash that man right outa my hair,
And sent him on his way.

Girls:
She went to wash that man right outa my hair,
She went to wash that man right outa my hair,
She went to wash that man right outa my hair,

Nellie and Girls:
And send him on his way!


4.22.2004

New Computer

Because Matt got a new Dell (Dude, you're gettin' a Dell!), he had some leftover computer parts.

So, on a dark and stormy night, in a secret laboratory somewhere near Geneva, he cobbled together parts he culled from charnel-houses and cemeteries. . . wait, sorry, wrong story.

We spent a mutual, pre-rebate $300 for new memory, a DVD burner and a new, faster, hard drive and because Matt is a regular mad scientist when it comes to the PC, by Saturday night, I had a new computer.

It is faster, stronger and smarter than the other one, but if I told you which brand it was you'd tell me that I was running Civ3 on a paperweight.

In closing, I leave you with the following immortal lyrics from Alfred Michael Yankovic:

It's all about the Pentiums, baby
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums!
It's all about the Pentiums!
(Yeah!!)
What y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the cartoon yakkers?
9 to 5 chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard?
Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills
Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills
I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM
I never feed trolls and I don't read spam
Installed a T1 line in my house
Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse
Upgrade my system at least twice a day
I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K
I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him Money for short
I phone him up at home and I mak him do my
tech support
It's all about the Pentiums, what?
You gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen
You've got white-out all over your screen
You think you Commodore 64 is pretty neato
What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?
You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh
Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half?
You could back up your whole hard drive on a
floppy diskette
You're the biggest joke on the Internet
Your database is a disaster
You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster
He fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
And postin' 'Me too!' like some brain-dead AOL-er
I should do the world a favor and cap you like
Old Yeller
You're just about as useless a jpegs to Helen Keller

It's all about the Pentiums!
It's all about the Pentiums!
It's all about the Pentiums!
It's all about the Pentiums!

Now, what y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers?
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5 chillin' at Hewlett Packard?

Uh, uh, loggin' in now
Wanna run wit my crew, hah?
Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?
The call me the king of the spreadsheets
Got 'em all printed out on my bedsheets
My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks
but it was obsolete before I opened the box
You say you've had your desktop for over a week?
Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique!
Your laptop is a month old? Well, that's great
If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight
My digital media is write-protected
Every file inspected, no viruses detected
I beta-tested every operating system
Gave props to some, and others? I dissed 'em
While your computer's crashin' mine's multitaskin'
It does all my work without me even askin'
Got a flat-screen monitor 40" wide
I believe yours says 'Etch-a-Sketch' on the side
In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user
You've got your own newsgroup, alt.total-loser
Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax
Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker-Jacks?
Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you
If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you
What?

It's all about the Pentiums!
It's all about the Pentiums!
It's all about the Pentiums!
It's all about the Pentiums!
What y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers?
9 to 5 chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
What?


(The above lyrics were copied from the CD liner notes of Al's albumRunning With Scissors and are a parody of "All About the Benjamins")

4.19.2004

Monday

For a Monday, today went surprisingly smoothly.

The not-so-good-news is I'm a little wilted from the heat, but the good news is there were no firecrackers early this morning like there were yesterday.

What possesses people to set off VERY loud firecrackers at 4:30am?

Sheesh.

4.15.2004

Uh-Oh! April 15th! That Means. . .

. . . that this is now appropriate. Ladies and germs, I give you the immortal words of the late, great George Harrison:

Taxman
Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
Cos I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Should five per cent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all
Cos I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet

Taxman!
Cos I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman

Don't ask me what I want it for (Aahh Mr. Wilson)
If you don't want to pay some more (Aahh Mr. Heath)
Cos I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
Cos I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

And you're working for no one but me
Taxman!

4.14.2004

Isn't It Redundant. . .

. . . to call something that's solipsistic "self-indulgent" ?


4.12.2004

Gloria Gaynor Eat Your Heart Out

I have survived a weekend with my family.

If you have been reading my bitchy, whiny rants over the past year-ish, you will appreciate what an accomplishment this truly is.

If not, you need to plumb the depths of the archives, dude, unless you're easily offended by self-indulgent solipsism. In which case, don't say I didn't warn you.

4.09.2004

Sofari-Sogoodie. . .

I am in the hometown and I am not feeling sick to my stomach.

I take this as a good sign.

The dog is happy to see me, the cat hissed at me because I smelled like the dog and my sister is out of the house. My brother spoke to me like a human being and offered me comics to read. I think he's done some growing up.

I know I have. . . but I have a while yet to go.

4.08.2004

Weekend. . . Well, Almost

This weekend I will be in my hometown visiting my family.

I was anticipating a rotten time, but after having talked things out with my shrink, I'm feeling much better now.


This Just In. . .

TallJames has a blog. Go visit it.

4.07.2004

This Just In. . .

. . . I no longer know why I don't go to The Stress Factory . . . of course, I don't know what I'm going to get because I am culturally clueless.

I also don't frequent the Court Tavern for similar reasons.

Both are relatively cheap and within walking distance. . . am I really that timid? Or just lazy? Sheesh.

4.05.2004

Belated Thank You's. . .

OK, because I have foresworn most contact with a certain website, but not with certain people at said website, I didn't get a chance to fully thank the list of folks who took the time to wish me a happy 26th trip around the Sun, because some of them, like Moe, went and wrote their greetings after I'd already blogged.

Some, like Tazz, didn't get a shoutout, but they posted a greeting AND sent me an e-card that I didn't see until the next day, because he sent it to the e-mail account I check less frequently (but post here so that I don't have to clutter my other e-mail address with Avon Walk stuff).

Then there's Maria who I've been neglecting lately and for that I am truly sorry because you are a tres cool chica. So if you still read this, I'm going to attempt to be better at catching up with you.

And I love my Petrina Fuzzybutt, because not only is she a cat-people and sweet and funny, but because she gives the best hugs and bakes wonderful brownies (or so I hear), which gives her mad props in my book. She's also a March-baby, and that just makes her triple-cool.

Of course, there's the usual crew, like Gary and Matt and Doogie and JustJon, and I have to thank them again because they have the patience to read my blog.

And lastly, but not least, there are the folks from the board like Kat and FunkMan and ChrisTheCop and AJinDC whose greetings brightened the days on which I read them.

Thank you all for your thoughts and well-wishes. Thank you to everyone who asked me to come back and start posting again. And thank you for the past year or so that we've had the pleasure to "know" each other. I've had a lot of fun times and look forward to as many more as I can cram between training sessions and family obligations.

Woo-hoo! I think I caught everyone who I remember having met in person, or whose posts used to brighten my days as an active member.

Thanks again for a wonderful birthday thread . . . seeyuh next year. =)


4.04.2004

Movies

I was watching TV today. This isn't really unusual for a Sunday afternoon, except that there's usually nothing worth watching.

Today was an exception. Although it was "edited for television", I caught the 1993 Jim Varney film version of The Beverly Hillbillies. I really love this movie because it's such a warm tribute to the TV series, with in-jokes and winks to the premise, theme song (by Flatt & Scruggs) and the campy silliness that was characteristic of the show. They even adjusted Jed's income for inflation!

At any rate, I've decided that if there's a soundtrack album, that'll be my next CD self-purchase.

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